Dr. Kimberly Ortiz-Hartman • March 16, 2025
“What color are you? Where are you from? No, where are you really from? What are you?”
If you’re a multiracial or multicultural person, these questions are probably all too familiar. For many, they might seem harmless or even well-meaning—after all, the person is just trying to get to know us, right? But while the intent might not be offensive or oppressive, when you unpack these questions, they can carry an unexpected weight. As someone who grew up multicultural, I heard these kinds of questions often. And for a long time, I didn’t realize that everyone didn’t get asked these same things. I assumed it was a normal part of being introduced to someone—being questioned, identified, and categorized by others. It wasn’t until later in life, through my academic studies and personal experiences, that I realized my monoracial friends were rarely asked such questions.
Questions That Shape Us
At first, this realization threw me for a loop. I started reflecting on how these experiences might have shaped my sense of self and my identity. I thought back to moments throughout my life when this pressure to define myself was on display. I remembered a time in first grade when I was called to the principal’s office because my last name was Ortiz. The school didn’t have any Spanish-speaking teachers or staff to translate for two new students who had arrived. I was first nervous that I was in trouble, and then recall feeling a great sense of shame that I couldn’t speak Spanish and help those girls who were sitting anxiously in the office. I also thought about the times I worked in restaurants, where customers would eagerly talk amongst themselves, guessing my ethnicity, and would treat it like a game to see who was right. Looking back, I cringe at how much pressure I felt to define myself. All I knew was that my dad was Puerto Rican, and my mom was Jewish—a combination that often elicited a strong reaction from people.
Academically, I decided to dive deeper into why I was being asked these questions and what the underlying implications of them might be. I spent seven years in graduate programs focusing on the experiences of multiracial and multicultural people. My goal was to understand the complexity of mixed-race identities, the oppressive historical impact, and the dynamics of such questioning on the ability to develop a healthily racial identity. Oppressive legacies, such as “the one drop blood rule”, which forced people to identify as Black (or with another marginalized group) regardless of their mixed heritage or phenotype, played a large role in the keeping groups of people marginalized in our country. For a very long time, the option of identifying with all the racial or cultural groups you belong to was simply not allowed. It was not until 1967, with the U.S. Supreme Court case of Loving vs. Virginia, which finally legalized mixed-race unions, that it was even possible for people to outwardly identify as biracial.
Developing a Healthy Racial Identity
With all this extremely eye-opening and heart-breaking knowledge of the challenges mixed race people have faced, it is clear why developing a healthy racial identity can be so difficult. A common theme among multiracial people continues to be lacking a sense of belonging, struggling to fit in, and facing either covert or overt rejection from family or community. These negative experiences were often linked to mental health struggles, including self-esteem issues, identity confusion, and even depression, or anxiety.
For my doctoral dissertation, I explored biracial identity from a three-generational perspective. I didn’t just examine individual experiences but also looked at family dynamics in interracial relationships and the challenges of raising multiracial children. One of the most significant themes I discovered was the lack of open communication within families about race and identity. Many people reported that their racial identity was never openly discussed in their households, despite consistent reports of facing direct judgment about their mixed-race background, often from their own families. Most people were never given the tools to process or talk about their feelings, beliefs, or experiences regarding their identity.
Through this study, I realized that I wasn’t alone in my confusion or in being questioned without clear answers or understanding. This motivated me to create my children’s book, Alexa, What Color Are You? I wrote this book to provide a starting point for parents, schools, and communities to talk about race and identity with kids. It is important for multiracial and multicultural kids to know that they can identify and feel connected with all parts of their genetic make-up, and do not have to “pick a side” or identify only with how they look phenotypically, which tends to be a common experience.
Embracing Our Colors
Since the outside world thrives on categorization, mixed race people should have the understanding and language to express themselves from a very young age if they are questioned, and the confidence to redirect the inquiry, if they do not wish to answer. Talking about our colors, such as skin color, eye color, and hair color, is often the focus, since these are the first things people may notice about us. Children are constantly drawing pictures of themselves and identifying with all of their colors—after all, this connects us with our family! This is something that should be celebrated, not ignored with colorblindness.
A book like Alexa, What Color Are You? is a powerful tool to help kids understand themselves, their peers, and the world around them. They encourage empathy, acceptance, and compassion for self and others. While it’s an important resource for multiracial and multicultural children, it’s also meant for all children. Representation in a book can be a powerful experience for a child and can also teach us about people different from us.
In today’s politically charged climate, I believe it’s more important than ever to teach our children to love and accept both themselves and those who may be different. Books have the power to open minds and hearts. They allow us to explore worlds we might not live in, fostering understanding and compassion. In a world that so desperately needs both, this kind of empathy could be the change our country needs.
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