Learning vs Unlearning

Dan Berry  •  April 08, 2025

The most difficult part of learning is often the unlearning that must take place in order to experience the light of truth. To truly unlearn, we have to be willing to break old habits, question what we believe to be true, and let go of knowledge that has been proven false.

I recently turned 70 and have now been retired from pastoral ministry for four years. Yet, I find myself more inquisitive than ever—asking more questions than I ever expected to at this stage of life. If I’m being honest, it’s been frustrating at times because I thought by now I would have most of life figured out.

But here’s the thing…

Someone once said, “All you know is not all there is to learn,” or, “All you have learned is not all there is to know.”

If you haven’t given up on life and still desire to grow and contribute, you must be willing to challenge what feels familiar and safe. So much has been ingrained in us simply through living life. I’ve seen people remain in painful, even horrific circumstances—not because they’re good, but because they’re familiar. It’s what they’ve grown accustomed to.

Unlearning old ways, replacing lies with truth, and choosing a different path is one of the hardest things we’ll ever do.

I’ve heard my wife, Anne, tell people she’s counseled:

“When the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change, we’ll take our first steps into the change we need.”

Whether we realize it or not, life has shaped a very specific frame—or box—that we live out of. A willingness to unlearn helps us break out of that box. It challenges our biases and broadens our perspective.

Letting go of outdated knowledge makes it easier to embrace change. 

There have been so many times I wanted to shut change down because it made me feel like I had wasted parts of my journey—believing I had things figured out when I really didn’t.

But I know I’m not alone in this.

So, my challenge to all of us is this:
If you want to be a teacher, you must first be teachable. And it’s that teachability that will help us become less rigid, more open-minded, and more receptive to the expanded life we desire.

This world could use more compassion and empathy—qualities that often emerge only when we unlearn the things that made us judgmental or critical.

Take a moment to reflect on some of the things you’ve had to unlearn over the past couple of years. Make a list of the big ones. Then ask yourself:
How did it make you feel?
How does it make you feel now?

Find someone you trust and talk to them about the struggle. Denying the difficulty of unlearning doesn’t help. We need one another. We need safe spaces to be honest about what we’re wrestling with.

I believe there are many of us here at Brownicity who would love to have those conversations with you when you’re ready.

I’ll close by saying how grateful we are to have you in our lives. So here’s to your difficult but worthwhile journey—and always remember, we celebrate you and your life every single day!

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